About Me

Monday, February 2, 2009

She Was Only Seventeen...

June 24, 1996- The only thing that I ever wanted to do in my life is take a trip to Hawaii. I have not gotten to do that yet. Right now, I am looking up at the popcorn texture of the ceiling, and the cold white, walls surrounding me. In this placid room, I just realized that all of my hopes of ever getting to see the beautiful Hawaiian beaches are crushed.

Tears shed from my eyes as I read this from my younger sister Lucia’s diary. This was her last journal entry--ever. She had always kept a diary, at least since she was 6. She loved to write. All her life, she had dreamt of becoming a famous author. She was only seventeen...Even though I was two years older. my sister was my best friend…

“Madelyn, it’s time to wake up. The funeral is in an hour. You have to get ready,” my mother said and shook my body. The acute tone to her voice scared me so I immediately got up.

I must have fallen asleep on the couch, while reading Lucia’s diary because my mom came in and woke me up at 10:44. She was right. The funeral was at 1:00. I was not ready, at all. “Oh and make sure you wash off your makeup,” she added as I got up off the couch and walked out of the room.

I walked in to the bathroom and knew what she meant…my mascara had run off last night through my tears. I was a mess. I decided to take a quick shower so I looked at least half-decent if i was going to have to see my whole family, friends and people I didn’t even know (or wish to know). I hurried into my bedroom to get my black dress and shoes. When I picked up my dress, I noticed something on the chair below it. A piece of paper?...

Madelyn, I know you won’t be reading this until the day of my funeral. But I would just like to let you know I love you. You were the sister that everyone wishes for. Now I don’t want you to cry because I am in a better place now but just know that I miss you. I wish I could see you soon but I won’t bring that upon you...you’ve got a long and happy life to live and i want you to live it to the fullest. Don’t worry as much as you used to. You are a great sister and I hope that everyone that meets you feels blessed by your presence. I’m getting tired. I think I'll be done writing for now.
Talk to you later, Lucia

P.S. Be on the lookout...

I couldn't help myself…even though she said not to, I was crying, more than I had ever cried before. How did this get here?! How did she know she would die and I would be reading this the day of her funeral?! Most of all, what did she mean by “talk to you later”? There were so many unanswered questions…

“Maddie! We’re leaving in 35 minutes!,” my mother yelled up the long staircase. This meant I had to hurry. I walked out my bedroom and door and entered the bathroom which was in juxtaposition to my room. I hopped in the shower and began washing my hair. I rinsed out the lathery soap from my hair and sped up the rest of my shower in order to leave myself enough time to put on my makeup and do my hair.

After I got out, I capriciously got dressed and walked towards the mirror. Even though the gaunt reflection I saw in the mirror was me, the semblance looked nothing like the real me. Usually, I'm a very cheerful and colorful person but today, all dressed in black, I was not myself. I figured I'd better finish my outfit off so I grabbed a long necklace and a pair of silver hoop earrings. As I did this, I looked out the window only to see an unfamiliar gray car sitting right in front of my house. Who could it possibly belong to? I tried to get a closer look at the person sitting in the drivers seat but I could not see any distinguishing features because there was a hood pulled over the person's face. There was no license plate on the car. I thought about calling the cops but as soon as I went to grab my phone, the car started driving away. I put on my shoes and went downstairs.

As soon as I got downstairs, my dad told us that he had started the car and it was time to go. I walked outside and being the last day of June, the Texas heat was almost unbearable. I stepped into the back of my dad's brand new blue 1996 Toyota Camry and sat down As I descended onto the seat, I noticed something on the next to me...another paper? I leaned over and unfolded it. Without even starting to read it, I knew it was Lucia's by the neat, handwriting, which looked almost like a typewriter.

Hey Maddie, By now, I'm sure you've received my first letter. I know you are a little freaked out by this all but don't worry. Try not to cry at my funeral...and would you please tell all my friends that I say hello. I miss you all! I'm always gonna be with you. Remember that. You've always been there for me, through thick and thin, and now it's my turn to be there for you.
I love you, Lucia


"What is going on?!," I whispered to myself. My mom must've heard me though because she turned around and looked at me. I just looked down into my lap at the sparkling black clutch. As we drove on, my head was filled with unimaginable clamor. I knew it was all in my head because no one else seemed to notice it. Was I going crazy? First, I find letters from my dead sister, then I hear imaginary noises...I had thwarted myself...I kept both of the letters I had found and the journal entry close to me for an ideal stronghold to look into. I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about this. Things like this usually just DON'T happen. Seriously, who gets letters from their dead siblings...?

We reached Jackson Funeral Home at precisely 12:30. I saw a hearse from the previous funeral drive away. The dark, black windows of the vehicle seemed to occlude the deceased body laying lifelessly inside from the world around. My dad let us out and went to park the car that he was ever-so-proud-of. My dad has always been notorious in the neighborhood for treating his car like a third child.

After the funeral service, I couldn't stop crying. I went to the bathroom to wash off my makeup and try to calm down for a few minutes. I noticed something taped onto the mirror. I walked over to that mirror, and being the curious girl that I am, I ripped off the tape and opened the paper...another letter?! The letter started:

Maddie, after the funeral, I figured would be the best time to tell you this...

After reading this much, i knew the news to follow was not going to be good...

I was murdered. It was all planned out. I'm leaving it up to you to figure how and by who because if I were to tell you now, you would have been without a sister earlier than actual. The only thing I can tell you is to go to the police station. You have to talk to a specific person, but I cannot say who. He will help you. Like I said, be on the lookout at all times. The only other advice I can give you right now is to not let mother or father or anyone else for that matter know about the letters you receive from me or your journeys to come. Leave NOW.
Lucia

I guess I'd better listen to her...I ran out of the bathroom into a covey of people and without looking, clumsily ran into someone. I turned around to see who it was and it happened to be Lucia's boyfriend, Travis. Before I could start running again, I heard him say my name. I stopped in my tracks to see why he wanted to talk to me.

"Hey Madelyn. I'm so sorry about this. I can't believe she's actually gone...just one week ago, we were at the movies, having a great time and now to think that can never happen again. It might not have anyways..."

Madelyn wasn't exactly sure what he was talking about. "What do you mean it might not have happened again? She didn't mention anything to me about it..."

Travis's face seemed to shatter. "Umm..nothing...we got in a little fight...no big deal..." He rushed those few words then claimed that he had to go.

I continued on my way and ran down the steps of the funeral home. I ran as fast as I could to the police station which was no more than one block away.

"Hello, I'm looking for someone..." Madelyn said to the secretary, almost out of breath from running.

"I'll get an officer on the case... Who are you looking for? When was the last time you saw them?," she replied.

"Umm...I'm really not sure...I'm trying to figure out who killed my sister and I had a feeling the first place I should check was here...I'm not sure who I'm looking for, but when I find them, I'm sure I'll know."

The secretary looked at Madelyn as if she had five heads..."Well, I'm not sure how I can help you if you don't know what you're looking for..." She picked up the phone and began calling someone. "Hello, yes there is a girl here. She's looking for the murderer of her sister and just wants to talk to...anyone. Could you come out here please?"

After a short hiatus, a man in uniform walked out of a large white door with no handles on the outside. He looked like he was about 5 foot 8 with short brown hair, a round face and glasses to magnify his chocolate-brown eyes. Maybe about 25? I had to admit, he wasn't that bad looking. But for some reason, he looked very familiar but I could not put my finger on why.

He came over to me and we started talking about my sister's life and her death...He was doing the general interrogation that he probably used with most suspects. After talking to him for a while, I found out why he looked so familiar! He was Lucia's boyfriends brother. Perfect guy to help me on the case. I decided that it would be okay to tell him about the letters so I took them out of my clutch and let him read them. He said the first thing to do was to find out how the letters were being put in my path.

We could not come up with any ideas how or why or by who. Eventually, we decided to get the papers fingerprinted and find a match. He told me that since they had to sent it down to Washington DC, it would take about two weeks before I received the results.


~~~TWO WEEKS LATER~~~

"This letter holds the results of the fingerprints on the notes from your sister. After we open this, we will be 80 percent closer to finding out the killer," the policeman, Jarrod said to me. There was a vague tone to his voice but he handed me the letter anyways and I opened it up pausing because of the distraught feelings. I felt so paltry because after I read this letter, my feelings towards someone will change and you never know who could have killed Gina and why. The world around me seemed huge. I did not even feel like a real living being.

I continued to slowly open the letter and all the fingerprints found on the letters were from three names: Madelyn Angelo, Gina Angelo and Travis Burton. Of course my fingerprints and Gina's would be on there but why Gina's boyfriends? Since Jarrod was his brother, he called him down to the station to be questioned.

He soon arrived, in a gray car. No license plate. The exact car I had seen outside my bedroom window on the day of the funeral. After uncountable hours of questioning, he finally confessed to poisoning Gina because they had gotten into a fight in the movie theater.

He was asked many follow up questions but the first was how he got her to write the letters and how he delivered them. He said that before he gave her the ptomaine poison, he threatened to shoot her if she didn't write letters to her sister pretending as if she were already dead. When asked why he killed her, he said it was because she was talking about getting into too serious of a relationship and that she had already started planning their honeymoon, to where else but Hawaii...

6 comments:

Leona said...

hey hannah-
title ideas: life after death; look out; notes

The conflict is that Lucia's death is a mystery and Madelyn keeps finding strange notse. It's internal because Madelyn is really confused by these notes. From the first mysterious note I was sucked in.

The character's are well developed because you can relate to how confused Madelyn is.

My favorite part was when you read the last note and finally understand what is going on, because it was so suspenseful before that.

Your best part of the story was the notes. They were so suspenseful and interesting but realistic.

I couldn't really identify a theme but the story was really good.

I thought you need to work on mechanics (spelling, punctuation, diction, etc.)
good story!

Marissa said...

HI HANNAH!!!!!!!!!
k so....

The conflict of the story is that Maddie is finding all of these notes that her sister supposedly wrote, but she doesn't know why they are being written or what they mean. It is internal because she keeps them to herself. It was confusing but it really draws the readers attention because they want to find out what happens, i know i did!
The character doesn't seem to change over the story, but the story doesn't seem to be finished either, so will she change?
My favorite part was when she was like freaking out and hearing things, but i also liked each of the notes. It was very mysterious and it kept me reading.
The best quality of the story was how you wrote the notes. They were interesting and they made the whole story amazing.
I didn't see a specific theme, but if I had to choose one I would say it would have to be listen to your family because maddie listens to her sister even though she is dead she believes her.
I think your story didn't seem finished, so you really need an ending. Plus I want to know what happens! Other than that the story was AMAZING!

Hannahhh! :] said...

acute-sharp
It is used when I;'m talking about the tone of the motehrs voice.

juxtaposition-
Talking about the location of teh bathroom to Maddies bedroom

gaunt-skinny
Talking about how she looks veyr thin in the mirror.

semblance-apearance
talkign about how she looks nothign like herself.

clamor- loud noise
talking about the imaginary sounds she heard.

thwarted-confused
she was asking her self to many qyuetsions taht she scoulnt figure out.

occlude-
when i sadi that th e ody was being hidden in teh hearse

notorious-famous
when i say her dad is famous for loving his cars.

hiatus- pause
i use this to descvribe the silence wile she waited for the cop to come out..

covey-group or flock
i used this to describe teh peopel taht she runs throuuh.

placid-calm and peacful
i use this in the beinggin when lucia describes the room shes in.

paltry- small and worthless
describing how i feel small compared to the world waiting fo rmy results of teh death.

capriciously- careless
i use this to say taht she got dressed carelessly because she was not happy.

vague-unclear
i use this to say that jarrod is not really tellign teh whole truth.

Hannahhh! :] said...

1. The greatest change in my story that I made from the rough draft to the final copy was the ending. I had to completely delete the ending because it did not make sense. I started with a different plot outline and when I changed it, I had to change the conclusion.

2. I think that the blog comments was more helpful than the packet for revising my story. I had more advice from more people rather than just one person to fill out the four page packet.

3. I think that my story's greatest strength is the plot. I had a good outline and I think it gives the reader a really good feel ofg the situation.

4. NEXT YEARS STUDENTS!: When writing your short stories next year, make sure that you really include all of the different short story aspects. It's really important to also not procrastinate. I have an issue with this and it's harder to maintain deadlines.

Hannahhh! :] said...

AUTHOR'S NOTES:
When anyone is to read my short story, I want the reader to be able to feel like they are in the story as a bystander. I'm trying to get across that even after someone is dead, you can still love them and appreciate them for everything that they were. This whole story was easy to write and once I started writing, everything just flowed. The weakest ares of my story are the character development and conclusion. It was difficult to make a good conclusion since I had already written a lot. I would like feedback on how I could make a better ending and this is probably the thing I would like the reader to pay most attention to.

Peter said...

The conflict is external, and is that no one knows how Lucia died, but Madelyn keeps finding odd notes. After she found the first note, I was enjoying the story.

I could tell that Madelyn was really confused about what happened to Lucia. This was very good character development.

I enjoyed the resolution because it finally revealed the cause of death for Lucia. The suspense was killing me!

I enjoyed it whenever Madelyn found a note, as they kept revealing pieces of the puzzles.

The theme is all mysteries have a solution.

She needs to check for grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc. Other than that, it was good.